Feeling the Pressure (Long whine ahead)

As you probably realised lately, I am not in a good head space when it comes to weight loss

But the thing is, I am thinking about it constantly. I follow many people (Facebook, Instagram etc.)that are doing great and getting great results. They usually have more resources (read: money) than me, and seeing them getting results leads me to really feel the pressure and consequently, feel like a failure when things don’t happen the way I want them to.

Now I can hear you say: ‘Don’t compare yourself to others’ and I am not, I really am not. But that doesn’t stop the voices in my head just telling me constantly that I am failing at this, even know I know I am not failing, I am just not going forward. I was doing so well and all of a sudden I don’t seem to be able to take control for some unknown reason. I start every day with a positive attitude, but something always happens and my plans go out of the window.

Sometimes  it’s a second helping of food, or sometimes I think I am eating too many carbs (which is ridiculous because I am not even following a low carb plan). Sometimes I cannot go out and exercise – this one really throws me off! I am so time limited, I work full time, have NO MONEY to join a gym or get a personal trainer (even though I would love a PT, just saying), I have no equipment at home. I am still running, but maybe twice a week because something is always on and I can feel it is getting harder to run and I have not improved at all. I never see my kids as it is, and if I go out in the evening to exercise, I see them even less. It’s close to winter time here, so it’s dark first thing in the morning and it is getting dark by 6pm in the evening. I would never go and run by myself in the dark, call me over-cautious, but I am not taking any risks there.

All I feel is pressure! From my own self. I feel like I need to do this or that, and if I don’t, it is a big FAIL for the whole day.

I am scared to revert to old habits, to get to the point of not caring anymore. I know I have to concentrate on how far I have come already but sometimes it is just hard to do that. All I can see is what I am not doing.

Who knows, maybe these are just internal excuses – to excuse and alleviate my own behaviour?

Maybe I just need to find what works for me so I don’t feel like I am failing all the time?

Maybe I just have to accept that I am indeed a failure and this is never gonna happen for me?


Where have I been?

I haven’t gone anywhere. I am still here but as you can probably notice by now, I am lacking mojo lately.

I don’t know what triggered this downward spiral I find myself in. All I know is that it has got to stop! Now!